I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
