is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
