I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
