Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
