I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
