The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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