see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You took a bar mat shot.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
