But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she peed on how many people?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
