The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
