non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize