The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
