yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
