i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
