Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
