So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
