please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
