He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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