maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
