Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
