oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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