you guys were way drunker than both of me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
