Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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