for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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