what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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