just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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