I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You don't make any sense
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