just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize