Umm I'm too high to move.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
