My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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