you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
