dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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