so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
