Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
porn star boner night. come get it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
