someone threw a dead crab at me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize