Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
