I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
