guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
