tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
