I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
