Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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