is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
