Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
