i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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