i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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