Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
