youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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