Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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