Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
