don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
