get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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