Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
