it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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