Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
