if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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