I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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