If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
