Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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