A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
