Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
