nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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