he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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