i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
