So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Less talking, more tequila
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
