Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
