I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
