I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize