I CAN MOONWALK!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
