awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
