it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
