If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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