Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize