burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
