I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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