I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
